I am a firm believer of divine intervention. I believe that a divine being walks with me always, and has the power to shape events and circumstances around me. Over the last few years in particular I’ve noticed things just happening (or not happening) for me when it could have just as easily gone the other way. Some might call it luck, some might say coincidence. But as philosopher, Théophile Gautier, once said, “Chance is perhaps the pseudonym of God when He does not want to sign.”
As you know, I live in New York City – the city that seems to consist of 1 million married people and 7 million singles – and a few years ago, after trying every dating app ever created, I gave up on the whole idea of finding love in this City. I relegated myself to accepting that I’ll probably be single forever. But then fast forward to this past February, when a very good friend of mine decided on a whim to celebrate her birthday by hosting a small get together at her apartment. Let me set the stage for you: I, the workaholic home-body, received a text message in the early afternoon of a Wednesday telling me to come out that night for some Hennessy and chicken (yes, she’s ratchet and I love her for it)… So as you can probably guess, my initial reaction was that there’s no way I’ll get off work in time, and then I thought that even if I did– Hennessey? On a Wednesday night? I would absolutely regret that decision in the morning. But then, by some quirk of fate (as the saying goes), I looked at the clock around 4pm and realized I had nothing else to work on. I killed another hour or so waiting to see if any work would come in, but it ended up being quiet for the rest of the day. Even to the point that I was concerned that I actually wouldn’t even have anything to work on the next day, either! So I had no excuse not to go anymore – I left work, went home to get cute, and headed to the party.
Long-story-short, the next weekend I was on a date with a young fellow who was also in attendance at her party. He had great energy, held my interest, could make me laugh and just made me feel like me! Our connection was effortless. But, the crazy part is that he didn’t really meet any of my other requirements for men. If you’re curious what I’m talking about, take a quick look at my prior post, “Glitter vs Gold”). So, honestly, as much as I enjoyed being around him, I struggled with taking this thing – whatever it was becoming – seriously. If he isn’t who I would have normally gone for, and isn’t who other people would expect for me, why am I even wasting my time? We could kick it, but I refused to believe it would turn into anything worth talking about. I brushed it off to friends and even to him, so much so that everyone around me was literally confused by how misaligned my actions and my words were when it came to him.
Then a few months later I went on a pretty amazing vacation to Greece with my sister, my cousin and the same girl who had celebrated her birthday that night, and while sitting at a local Athenian restaurant eating some pretty amazing calamari and drinking a lot of free wine, they broke me. They saw right through the front of “oh we’re just friends” and the denial that I wanted anything more. By being forced to look them in the eye, a mirror was held up to my face for the first time. And to make matters worse, it happened to be only the first day of a two week vacation so there was nowhere to hide… Ultimately, they made me realize that for some unexplainable reason, I really like being around him and the way he makes me feel, and that I don’t need to justify him (or us) to anyone – including myself. So the day after I got back from Greece, I got a boyfriend.
But just because the label changes doesn’t mean that the concerns immediately go away. I still find myself periodically looking at things he does or says or situations he and I find ourselves in and thinking to myself, “this is why it will never work.” And today happened to be one of those days. We took a quick road trip Upstate to go apple-picking. He had done a few things the night before (that I was still harping on) and then he dropped another tidbit of information on me that morning, so I was all in my feelings as we made the drive. Plus, I had been fighting a migraine all morning, probably from stressing over the idea that just as we were starting to go public it was already falling apart. But then God…
We had been riding in silence for a little while as I tried to Zen out and let the aspirin kick in. The only sound in the car was the music. He had no idea of the things that had been running through my mind all morning, but knew I had a headache so he, too, was quiet and just vibing to the music as he drove. My eyes were closed as I tried to will my headache to go away, so when the song came on I was forced to really listen to the words.
“Come mess with a real one;
You’re one in a million;
Don’t let a lot of people in, but you get admission;
And I don’t let my walls down, but I see us building;
And you ain’t a feeling,”
I had to open my eyes and see what song it was! The screen on the radio just said “H.E.R. Vol. 1” and showed the title of the song as “Facts.” I asked him who the singer was and he said, “no one knows! The artist just dropped a project under the name H.E.R. and no one knows who it is.” He showed me the album cover and it was simply a silhouette of woman – no picture of her face. So I closed my eyes back, and kept listening (you can listen to it on SoundCloud by clicking here):
Just the beginning;
It don’t get no better;
As long as you hold me down, I’ll be up for whatever;
And I love the way you look at me, ‘cause I see forever;
Was ready before but I want you now more than ever;
You make me want to put my phone down;
When we’re alone, I want to zone out;
Baby, with you, I ain’t got no doubts;
I’m just trying to let you know now;
You were the one I was missing;
The opposite of fiction;
And that’s facts;
Ooh, it’s a given;
I don’t care ’bout opinions;
And that’s facts; Facts;
And that’s facts; You were the one I was missing…”
Now, some of you might say it’s coincidence. Some might even say he intentionally put that song on (which he didn’t; he was just playing the album). But regardless of why it was played, that was exactly what I needed to hear at that exact moment. It was immediately my reminder that none of that other stuff matters. A reminder that we’re building something here, even if I don’t know what exactly that is yet. And I don’t know about you, but I believe that only God could have orchestrated giving me what I needed exactly at the moment I needed it. The very next day at church my Pastor spoke about being available for God’s grace and how so many of us are unable to see the possibilities and opportunities in our lives because we are fixated on the challenge in front of us. Staying in your comfort zone will not get you to your greatness.
So although I am still bothered by the things I’m bothered by (which I ultimately did speak to him about), the difference now is that I am not drastically equating it with being the end-all-be-all of our relationship. My faith in God, and the fact that He walks with me always, brought me back to what’s important—it put me back on the path I believe I’m supposed to be on.
And this was just one example. I could probably write a book with how often this happens to me! Whether it’s clearing my schedule so I can be at the right place at the right time, trapping me in a foreign country so I can work through my issues undistracted, or even as simple as playing a song that says just the right words, I know that there’s something bigger than me at play. And evidence that God will intercede on my behalf is all the reassurance I need to go after the things I want in life.